I just spent the last 4 days with a phenomenal group of people at a Cursillo de Cursillo retreat that was held in Montgomery Alabama at St Bede’s Catholic Church.
Everything throughout the days–the prayer and meditations (thanks, Deacon Mark!), the talks presented on the Cursillo charism and methodology, table discussions, the food!, the conversations at mealtimes, the singing (This Little Light of Mine!), the friendships and sharing, to the the Masses celebrated (big thanks and shout out to Fr Nicholas! Will be praying for you and your Youth next weekend!)–were enriching and meaningful and it was evident that the transformative power of the Holy Spirit was present in our midst. I am grateful for having had the privilege to journey with so many wonderful and beautiful individuals.
And yet, even in the midst of this, I still found myself periodically fighting irritability and struggling to stay present to the people I was surrounded by.
Why? Well, at first, I thought it was probably because I am introvert and absolutely NEED “down time”–that ability to be alone and recharge. For me, I usually do most of my “re-fueling” during my morning prayer and meditation with my Lord, but due to the last few days’ schedule, I was hard pressed to spend as much time as I wanted to in the morning before needing to be present and engaged in work in the vineyard.
Needless to say, I was a bit irritated with our Lord about this situation, and I shared my displeasure with Him on Friday and Saturday. One thing about my Lord though, He is always faithful, so sure enough, He sent me a reply this morning–via one of my meditation books. In it, St Teresa of Avila shared:
The dissatisfaction we often feel when we have passed a great part of the day without being retired and absorbed in God, though we have been employed in works of obedience or charity, proceeds from a very subtle self-love, which disguises and hides it self. For it is a wish on our part to please ourselves rather than God.
